This article was originally published on Ravishly.
I’m 22 and in a johnny; my gynecologist comes in. She frowns. “I know you have a hard time, but we have to at least try to examine you.”
“Do we have to?” I can hear the fear in my voice.
“Come on. At least give it a try.”
I do. There is so much pain I get dizzy. The familiar feeling of being torn apart. I turn my head to the side and stare at brochures talking about birth control. Soon they are spinning into a colorful blur. I start to cry. She rolls away from me with a sigh. “Do you have boyfriend yet?”
“What?”
“A boyfriend,” she repeats like I’m a moron.
“No.”
“Why not?”
I scrunch my eyebrows at the sudden change of conversation. “I don’t have time for that at the moment. I don’t really want one. I’m busy.”
My gyno types something into her computer. “Well, you need to find one and do the deed soon. Your hymen is so close to the opening that I can’t examine you. Soon I’m just gonna pop it myself, and you don’t want that.” She laughs.
I stare at her, not able to comprehend a fellow woman saying that to me. I’m not sure why she’s bringing it up in the first place. I blink back tears, refusing to cry more. I just look down at my bare legs and nod, hoping she’ll leave the room. She does and I cover my face while the space between my legs burns.
♦♦♦
Pelvic Floor Dysfunction is a well-known secret. It affects one in four women, but not many doctors know or acknowledge that it’s real. Maybe part of the problem is that it’s hard to test for. I personally exhausted every other possibility before it was suggested. Maybe another reason is that there is no easy cure for it, no pill to pop.
My gyno types something into her computer. “Well, you need to find one and do the deed soon. Your hymen is so close to the opening that I can’t examine you. Soon I’m just gonna pop it myself, and you don’t want that.” She laughs.
I stare at her, not able to comprehend a fellow woman saying that to me. I’m not sure why she’s bringing it up in the first place. I blink back tears, refusing to cry more. I just look down at my bare legs and nod, hoping she’ll leave the room. She does and I cover my face while the space between my legs burns.
♦♦♦
Pelvic Floor Dysfunction is a well-known secret. It affects one in four women, but not many doctors know or acknowledge that it’s real. Maybe part of the problem is that it’s hard to test for. I personally exhausted every other possibility before it was suggested. Maybe another reason is that there is no easy cure for it, no pill to pop.
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